If you’re here because of my ad on Skyrates, I am Stephanie, administrator of this website, and you’ll know me better as Thespian. So Welcome!

Also, a plug now; I learned about Skyrates from a webzine called Suburban Conspiracy, a bi-weekly thing with a great forum to go with. I have a column in this month’s Geek Kitchen series, on my Moroccan Peanut Stew. Anyone who is interested in casual geeking should check the site out.

Just keeps getting cooler and cooler.

So a Jewish vegetarian walks into a bacon party, and this guy says, “Can’t they revoke your Jew card just for walking into this place?” *rimshot*

But seriously, why would I go to Stephanie and Ny’s bacon party when I haven’t eaten meat for 17 years? Because I am perverse that way, that’s why. Why couldn’t there be faux bacon at the party? There was a need to be filled, and clearly I was the only person who was going to fill it. I’m noble that way, too. Also, my husband really wanted to go and eat lots of bacon.

Figuring that there were probably already some interesting recipes out there, I found two that I ended up making. First I made baconless bits from TVP. Sure, I could always buy some Bac-Os, which are already vegetarian, but I was intrigued by the idea of making my own. The recipe is simple, and the bits tasted just like the stuff you’d buy in the store for more money. Even Santiago liked them. Now I have a containerful to use on salads, or to put in my grilled cheese sandwiches like I did when I was a kid.

Then I made the Smoky Maple Hickory Fake Bacon from tofu. It helps to squeeze as much water out of the tofu as possible before marination so that it soaks up more of the marinade. The tofu smells fairly bacony as it cooks because of the maple syrup and the liquid smoke. Texturewise, you’ll want to slice the tofu as thinly as possible without having it fall apart, so as to maximize the crispiness. As for the flavor, well, no one would mistake it for real bacon, but I thought it was pretty tasty all on its own. Santiago wouldn’t choose it over real bacon if it were available, but thought it okay anyway.

I brought some commercially-available fake bacon products, too. There was LightLife Smart Bacon, LightLife Fakin’ Bacon smoked tempeh, and Yves Canadian Veggie Bacon. Of these, I thought the tastiest was the Fakin’ Bacon, then the Smart Bacon, and then the Canadian Veggie Bacon. The Fakin’ Bacon had a nice, smoky flavor and a crispy, chewy texture after pan-frying. It helps that I am already fond of tempeh, too. The Smart Bacon was all right, but was very easily burned on the difficult-to-regulate gas cooktop. The Canadian Veggie Bacon is packaged in cold cut style, leading me to wonder if it was good straight out of the package, but it was pretty bland and really wanted pan-frying; it might be okay on an egg sandwich, but isn’t especially exciting on its own.

Stephanie and Ny had made bacon-wrapped bacon, something that amused me greatly, so I had to counter by making faux-bacon-wrapped faux bacon, topped with baconless bits. Mwahahaha! I think I broke Ny when I showed it to her.

Apologies for the crappy photos. All I had on me was my camera phone, which is pretty good in a pinch, but didn’t really cope so well with the dark colors of the food.